my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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