why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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