i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
