I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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