Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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