In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
where am i from again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
