our cab driver is having phone sex.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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