are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We need to get me chipped asap
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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