i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
