anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
