I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
