hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
