my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
