Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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