how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
