You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
