So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
