Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
