My friends, they love my intelligence
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
