Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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