I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
