Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
