We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
