you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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