i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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