trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
