Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize