Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
