He is an equal opportunity slut.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize