If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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