She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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