Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Let's get the cat blown out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
