Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize