I want to stick my p in your. b.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
