we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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