you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
