If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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