I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
