I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she peed on how many people?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
