if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
