those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
