Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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