Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
