I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
