I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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