I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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