I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
no you cant smoke seaweed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
