I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
