Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
