im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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