8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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