Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
