Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
