I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
