My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
