im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
