i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
