someone threw a dead crab at me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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