Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My cat gives me a boner
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was not drunk enough for that final.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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