1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
