I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
