I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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