at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
