Barsexuality is the new black.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
