I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
