I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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