I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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