i jhust puked up my retainher.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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