that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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