FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
As shirtless as possible
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
