I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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