so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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