I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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