I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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