I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
how does that bad decision feel?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize