His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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