So drunk its hurt
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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