Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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