glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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