I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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