I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
