Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
