My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i came on her dog
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
