My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
