4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize